So if you’re good and drunk and fall in front of a moving subway train, and the train driver doesn’t recognize you as a person lying there on the track and doesn’t stop in time to keep from running your ass over, you are 35% to blame. Poor you. You only get $2.3 million dollars. No, you weren’t pushed. No, it wasn’t slippery. You were just really drunk and, oops, you fell on the train tracks. But it isn’t your fault, at least not 65% of it. Because drivers “are trained to be able to look out for people on the tracks … and people are known to be intoxicated by night,” your lawyer said. And the jury agreed. He might be the greatest lawyer ever.

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